


Reply All

by makasouls



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), Group chat, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Texan Keith (Voltron), Texting, broganes, does anyone actually work in this fic, keith has some social anxiety, lance is on Team Too Much™, office!AU, that lance being a mess is an actual tag omfg, the garrison trio loves gifs and memes, who gave these losers computers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10106234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makasouls/pseuds/makasouls
Summary: Hangout: Lance, Katie, HunkLance McClain:hOLYLance McClain:it’s been real, guys. it was an honor being your friendKatie Holt:what are you going on about nowLance McClain:KEITHKatie Holt:yes, of course it’s about keith, why wouldn’t it be, so silly of me to askBetween all the gossip, drama, and memes, how does work at Voltron actually get done?Unclear.





	1. tacos or nah

**Author's Note:**

> You know your otp is here to stay when you start plotting AUs :/
> 
> This is the office!au nobody asked for, inspired by my own office shenanigans, and told through emails, chats, texts, etc. 
> 
> Where is this fic going? Idk, but I'm having fun. You should come along for the ride~

**_Hangout: Lance, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (7:32a):** mood

**Lance McClain (7:32a):** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4JfPlry-iQ>

**Katie Holt (7:34a):** …wtf how

**Hunk Garrett (7:35a):** already? dude, it’s Monday. Monday _morning_.

**Lance McClain (7:35a):** BO$$in’ it every day of the week

**Katie Holt (7:36a):** you showed up at my place last night crying because you didn’t have enough money for a trash meal from Taco Bell

**Lance McClain (7:36a):** CALLED OUT

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** why do you hurt me this way

**Lance McClain (7:38a):** new mood: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0tTeuUVhU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0tTeuUVhU)

**Katie Holt (7:39a):** u are such a drama queen lmao

**Hunk Garrett (7:39a):** good morning to you too, buddy :)

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 6, 2017 at 8:00 AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Hey guys

 

Remember how I was telling you that my brother Keith moved back to town? Well, I managed to get him a position at Voltron. He’s about your age—do you guys mind showing him the ropes? He’s a bit…shy, and I’m sure just seeing your friendly faces would really help him settle in.

Lance, he’s going to be working in your department—can you keep an eye on him?

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 8:03 AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>, Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Hey guys

 

Of course, Shiro! Excited to meet him. :)

 

Minor issue: can you direct me to the ropes? I don’t know where they are

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 8:05 AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>, Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Hey guys

 

Please define “friendly face”. Not sure I have any

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 8:06 AM

**To:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Hey guys

 

If he looks anything like you, I’ll be sure to keep _two_ eyes on him

 

 

* * *

  
****

**From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 8:10 AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey guys

 

Why are you all like this

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

**From:** Coran H.W. Smythe  <coran.smythe@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 9:13 AM

**To:** Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**cc:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Welcome

 

Good morning, Keith!

 

I just wanted to take a moment to personally welcome you into the Voltron family—specifically our sales department. Things are a bit fast-paced, but here at Voltron, we consider each other family, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask!

I’ve copied here our senior salesman, Lance. He’s a fine lad and very talented, so he will be helping you get into the swing of things. If you have any questions, do let him know.

Again, we are very excited to welcome you onto our team, and look forward to what’s to come.

 

Cheers,

Coran

 

* * *

  
****

**_Hangout: Lance McClain, Keith Kogane_ **

**Lance McClain (10:20a):** hey :)

**Keith Kogane (10:22a):** …Hi

**Lance McClain (10:22a):** so, how’s the first day going so far? :D

**Keith Kogane (10:23a):** Fine, I guess

**Keith Kogane (10:23a):** I’m sorry, who is this?

**Lance McClain (10:24a):** uh, lance??

**Keith Kogane (10:28a):** Who?

**Lance McClain (10:28a):** are you serious

**Lance McClain (10:29a):** lance? you know, the roguishly handsome guy who has taken you under his wing?

**Keith Kogane (10:30a):** …sorry…

**Lance McClain (10:30a):** are you fucking kidding me

**Lance McClain (10:30a):** i took you on a tour and showed you where the good coffee is???

**Keith Kogane (10:31a):** ah, I remember now. That one girl from accounting tried to throw a stapler at your head

**Lance McClain (10:31a):** yeahhhh, nyma’s still upset about our breakup. don’t mind her

**Keith Kogane (10:32a):** You’re sitting like five feet away from me right now. Why are you gchatting me?

**Keith Kogane (10:32a):** Do you want something

**Lance McClain (10:33a):** …um, no

**Keith Kogane (10:33a):** Okay then

**_Keith has left the Hangout_ **

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 10:34 AM

**To:**  Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** _[no subject]_

 

Keith

 

* * *

 

 **_Hangout: Lance, Hunk, Katie_ **  
****

**Lance McClain (11:16a):** I think…this Keith thing is going to be harder than I thought

**Katie Holt (11:19a):** What, is he not falling for your devilish charm

**Lance McClain (11:20a):** NO

**Hunk Garrett (11:21a):** *gasps* _blasphemy_

**Hunk Garrett (11:21a):** don’t give up, man. He’s just a tough nut to crack

**Hunk Garrett (11:22a):** I’m sure he has a soft, gooey center

**Katie Holt (11:23a):** ew, gross

**Lance McClain (11:23a):** you really mean that, hunk?

**Hunk Garrett (11:24a):** Yeah, man. i believe in you!!

**Lance McClain (11:24a):** :D

**Hunk Garrett (11:24a):** xD

**Katie Holt (11:24a):** guyz, das gay

**Lance McClain (11:25a):** pidge, why are you so jealous of our love

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 11:54 AM

**To:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**cc:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Lunch? ;)

 

Hey, Keith! My friends and I were thinking about lunch—wanna come? There’s a really goodtaco truck a few blocks from the office, and we could hang out in the nearby park, get some fresh air.

You’ve already met Katie (she’s the IT person who set up your computer), but you would also meet my main man Hunk, who works in the marketing department under Shiro.

Whaddaya say? Tacos on me. ;))))

 

* * *

  
****

**From:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 11:56 AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**cc:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Lunch? ;)

 

No thanks.

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 11:57 AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**cc:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Lunch? ;)

 

 

* * *

  
****

**From:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 11:57 AM

**To:** Katie Holt<katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**cc:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re: Lunch? ;)

 

YIKES. Rough

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 12:01 PM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**cc:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:Re: Re: Lunch? ;)

 

…You still buying tacos or nah

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 2:23 PM

**To:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** yo yo yo

 

So since we’re going to be working so closely together, I think we should get to know each other!

 

What is your favorite Beyoncé album?

 

If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would buy?

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 2:40 PM

**To:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:yo yo yo

 

Cats or dogs?

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 2:51 PM

**To:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:yo yo yo

 

Boxers or briefs? ;)

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Hunk, Katie_ **

**Lance McClain (2:59p)** : holy crow!!!

**Lance McClain (3:00p):** keith just yelled at me

**Lance McClain (3:00p):**

**Lance McClain (3:00p):** he told me to stop pestering him??? really loud?? like, rax is giving us the stink eye

**Katie Holt (3:02p):** to be fair, you _do_ pester

**Lance McClain (3:03p):** yes, but that is _obviously_ how i establish my friendships and is part of my charm. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS

**Hunk Garrett (3:04p):** Dude, just give him a little space. He’ll come around

**Lance McClain (3:04p)** : i have four siblings. i don’t know what space _is_

**Hunk Garrett (3:04p):** You know no one can resist you for long. You’re just too awesome

**Lance McClain (3:05p):** hUNK, mi vida, mi corazón. you give such great advice and are too good to me

**Hunk Garrett (3:05p):** <3

**Lance McClain (3:06p):** <3 <3 <3

**Katie Holt (3:07p):** gross

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Mon, June 5, 2017 at 3:15 PM

**To:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re:yo yo yo

 

…Do you think there’s more life out there? Or are we alone in the endless, nothingness of space?

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Coran H.W. Smythe <coran.smythe@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tues, June 6, 2017 at 8:00 AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>, Rax Balmera <raxton.balmera@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Sales Meeting

 

Good morning, gentlemen!

 

Please meet me at 9AM in conference room A to touch base.

 

Cheers,

Coran

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Hunk, Katie_ **

**Lance McClain (9:53a):** FUCK KEITH

**Hunk Garrett (9:54a):** is that a directive, or

**Hunk Garrett (9:54a):** Because I feel like I should at least take him out to dinner first

**Lance McClain (9:55a):** he just told me what I should do with one of my accounts??? and coran agreed with him???

**Lance McClain (9:55a):** this motherfucker

**Katie Holt (9:56a):** Well, was it a good idea?

**Lance McClain (9:58a):** … _yes_. UGGGGH it’s a _great_ idea

**Lance McClain (9:59a):** he’s only been working here two days and he’s already got great ideas for MY accounts. **_HOW DARE HE_**

**Lance McClain (10:00a):** at least he’s super awkward in person and over the phone

**Hunk Garrett (10:01a):** hahaha, man, the newbie getting to you that much?

**Lance McClain (10:01a):** _getting_ to me? he’s not GETTING to me

**Lance McClain (10:03a):** he just needs to know his place, is all

 

 **Katie Holt (10:04a):** you know, you should really be careful about what you say using a company email address

**Lance McClain (10:05a):** pidge, stop acting like you couldn’t erase my entire existence right now if you wanted to

**Lance McClain (10:05a):** liek you leave a paper trail of anything we say

**Lance McClain (10:06a):** *like

**Katie Holt (10:06a):** :)

**Katie Holt (10:06a):** I’m just saying. Take a chill pill

**Lance McClain (10:08a):**

**Hunk Garrett (10:11a):**  
****

****

  **Katie Holt (10:12a):**

 

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Takashi, Lance, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Takashi Shirogane (8:30a):** Remember when I asked you to look after my brother

**Lance McClain (8:34a):** hmmm

**Lance McClain (8:34a):** sorry, doesn’t ring a bell. who are we talking about, again?

**Takashi Shirogane (8:35a):** _Lance_. It’s been three days

**Takashi Shirogane (8:35a):** Three whole days of me being subjected to Keith’s bitching

**Takashi Shirogane (8:35a):** Can you guess what he’s been bitching about, Lance

**Katie Holt (8:36a):** !!!!!

**Katie Holt (8:36a):** dad just swore???

**Hunk Garrett (8:36a):** you’re in so much trouble, buddy

**Lance McClain (8:38a):** Shiro, it’s not my fault!!

**Lance McClain (8:39a):** how do i put this delicately…your brother _is a dick_

**Katie Holt (8:39a):** I don’t see the problem. I seem to remember you telling me you liked dicks

**Lance McClain (8:40a):** first of all, now is not the time, pidge. Inappropriate

**Lance McClain (8:40a):** second of all…touché

**Takashi Shirogane (8:41a):** Will you please focus?

**Takashi Shirogane (8:41a):** I know Keith’s not the most welcoming of people at first. He’s working on it. But Lance, you _are_

**Lance McClain (8:42a):** yeah, i tried!!! multiple times??! what more do you want?

**Takashi Shirogane (8:42a):** Why do you insist on picking fights with him?

**Takashi Shirogane** **(8:42a)** : I just thought that for once, you could be mature enough to rise above the nonsense. But I guess not.

**_Lance has left the Hangout_ **

**Takashi Shirogane (8:43a):** LANCE

**Hunk Garrett (8:43a):** woah, woah. Shiro, Lance _has_ been trying. I’ve seen him

**Katie Holt (8:43a):** yeah, me too. Do you just expect him to sit there and take Keith’s hostility?

**Hunk Garrett (8:43a):** Why did you automatically assume that Lance was the issue? Did you ever ask him for his side of the story?

**Hunk Garrett (8:44a):** Not cool, dude

**Katie Holt (8:44a):** Lance can be hella dramatic, but for you to accuse him of being childish for sticking up for himself

**Katie Holt (8:44a):** …

**Takashi Shirogane (8:53a):** …You’re both absolutely right

**Takashi Shirogane (8:53a):** I feel terrible. I really owe him an apology

**Katie Holt (8:54a):** yes, you do

**Katie Holt (8:54a):** both Broganes do

**Takashi Shirogane (8:56a):** ?

**Katie Holt (8:57a):** Shiro _gane_. Ko _gane_. Stay with me

**Hunk Garrett (8:57a):** _N i c e_

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wed, June 7, 2017 at 9:20 AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** I’m sorry

 

Hey Lance,

I’ve already left you a voicemail, but just in case you don’t listen to that, I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. I know that Keith can be prickly in new situations, which is why I requested that you look out for him to begin with. You’re such a friendly, calming presence that I thought it would make him relax a little. I guess not.

I just…I worry about Keith. And I took it out on you, and I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

 _Text Message from_ **Shiro**

 **Shiro (10:00am):** Listen, you’re a grown-ass man who can live his life however he wants. But these are good people, Keith. People who only want to get to know you—people I consider friends. All I ask is that you give them a chance and stop being so rude. Can you do that?

 **Keith (10:05am):** I’m the worst and I’m sorry. You know how I get—I don’t know what to do when people are nice to me. I’m just really overwhelmed by it all

 **Keith (10:07am):** And Lance is just…ALWAYS THERE. He’s a lot. And too welcoming and too friendly and I panicked. I push people away even though I don’t want to, Shiro. What the fuck is wrong with me?

 **Shiro (10:08am):** Keith, calm down. Take a breath—it’s okay!

 **Keith (10:11am):** No, it’s not. It’s not okay. I’m so fucked up. But I’m going to try harder, I promise

 **Shiro (10:13am):** There’s nothing wrong with you, Keith. It just takes you a little longer to trust people, and that’s okay.

I know you will, kiddo.

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>  
****

**Date:** Wed, June 7, 2017 at 10:08 AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: I’m sorry

 

…Thank you, Shiro. That really means a lot. 

All is forgiven, so long as you wrap me in those big, strong arms of yours and rock me gently.

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wed, June 7, 2017 at 10:12 AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: I’m sorry

 

It would be my pleasure. Just name the time and place, Sharpshooter.

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

  
****

**From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wed, June 7, 2017 at 10:16 AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: I’m sorry

 

You know, when I said to name the time and place, I didn’t mean right that second. But thank you. That was nice.

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

 **_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **  
****

**Keith Kogane** **(11:40a)** : uh, hey

**Keith Kogane** **(11:40a)** : I just wanted to apologize for how I’ve been acting the past couple days

**Keith Kogane** **(11:41a)** : I get a little weird with new people, and I know I can sometimes come off the wrong way. So, I’m really sorry if I offended you

**Keith Kogane** **(11:41a)** : Can we just start over?

**Lance McClain** **(11:50a)** : idk, you were really rude

**Keith Kogane** **(11:51a)** : I’ll buy you coffee

**Lance McClain** **(11:51a)** : Keith ol’ buddy ol’ pal how’s it hangin

**Keith Kogane** **(11:52a)** : …really

**Lance McClain** **(11:52a)** : soooo…i’m not a basic bitch, but i definitely have basic bitch taste. so we’re going to starbucks, and i’m gonna get a ridiculous drink that is made of cavities, as well as a fancy danish. both of these things will be extremely overpriced

**Lance McClain** **(11:53a)** : let’s go—my teeth ain’t gonna rot themselves smh

**Lance McClain** **(11:53a)** : ;)))

**Keith Kogane** **(11:55a)** : i have regrets

 

* * *

 

**Group chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_lanceinyopants_ **

**lanceinyopants:** keITH DRIVES A MOTORCYLE

**lanceinyopants:** THIS IS NOT A DRILL

**lanceinyopants:** I REPEAT. TTHIS IS NOT A DRILL

**lanceinyopants:** I AM ON THE BACK OF HIS FUKCIN

**hunkymonkey:** :D

**pidgeotto:** …and so it begins


	2. the answer's always jonathan, obvs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I did _not_ expect the reaction the first chapter ended up getting! Thank you all for reading and commenting (I read every single one, though I didn't have time to respond individually). Please just know that I truly appreciate you all, and your kind words made my day! :')
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter as well--I'm having way too much fun writing this lmao

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **

**Keith Kogane (8:13a):** hi

**Lance McClain (8:14a):** eyyy, what’s poppin

**Lance McClain (8:26a):** keith?

**Keith Kogane (8:30a):** How are you

**Lance McClain (8:30a):** pretty good, considering it’s 8am on a Tuesday and i’m being forced to be a productive member of society

**Lance McClain (8:31a):** but thanks for asking :D how are you?

**Keith Kogane (8:33a):** good

**Lance McClain (8:33a):** nice!!

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **

**Keith Kogane (9:00a):** hey

**Lance McClain (9:00a):** hi keith! :)

**Keith Kogane (9:02a):** do you know where the highlighters are kept?

**Lance McClain (9:03a):** in the supply closet you’re sitting right next to?

**Keith Kogane (9:05a):** Oh. Okay, thanks

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **

**Keith Kogane (9:45a):** Hi

**Lance McClain (9:47a):** hi

**Lance McClain (9:57a):** …keith, did you want something?

**Keith Kogane (10:00a):** Um, nevermind

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 10:12AM

**To:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** ok but

 

Tell me why Keith has been flat-out staring at me for like 20 minutes

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 10:14AM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: ok but

 

Maybe he’s tryna get some

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 10:16AM

**To:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:ok but

 

See, I thought that too, so I’ve been winking and shooting him finger guns

But he just sort of looks confused. Or constipated. Maybe he’s confused about being constipated??

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 10:17AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re:ok but

 

Damn, the wink-finger gun combo _always_ works

Maybe there’s just something on your face?

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 10:20AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re:ok but

 

I’ve asked Keith—nothing in my teeth or anything. But he’s not really speaking to me? Just shaking his head and scrunching up his face like he hasn’t taken a shit in three days

Obviously, I smell amazing, so that can’t be it

I thought we were bonding after our trip to Starbucks?? But now things are just getting weird

 

* * *

 

_Text Message from_ **Keith**

**Keith (10:03am): OH NO HE’S HOT**

**Shiro (10:06am): What? Who**

**Keith(10:07am): Please help me**

**Shiro (10:09am): Keith?**

**Shiro (10:20am): KEITH**

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Katie, Lance, Hunk, Keith_ **

**Katie Holt (11:00a):** sup, losers

**Katie Holt (11:00a):** [ 82-Year-Old Florida Man Slashes 88-Year-Old Florida Woman's Tires with an Ice Pick for Taking His Seat at Bingo](http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/82-year-old-florida-man-arrested-for-slashing-tires-in-bingo-dispute/article24692142/)

**Hunk Garrett (11:02a):** Well, to be fair, he had already called dibs. Dibs are sacred

**Katie Holt (11:02a):** right?!

**Lance McClain (11:03a):** while i agree wholeheartedly, i must point out a plot hole

**Lance McClain (11:03a):** i am not, in fact, 82 years old

**Katie Holt (11:04a):** DAMN. SO CLOS E

**Katie Holt (11:04a):** I’ll get you next time, Florida Man!!!

**Lance McClain (11:06a):**  

**Hunk Garrett (11:11a):** [ Florida man robs gas station, uses drawn on-beard as a disguise](http://www.abcactionnews.com/news/region-pasco/holiday-gas-station-robbed-suspect-appeared-to-have-drawn-on-beard)

**Lance McClain (11:13a):** ok, but why would i _draw_ on a beard when we all know i can grow a bomb ass real one

**Hunk Garrett (11:14a):** hmmm. Fair point

**Lance McClain (11:15a):** Keith, you okay over there? you look a little red

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **

**Keith Kogane (11:21a):** Um, so what was that all about?

**Lance McClain (11:22a):** ?

**Lance McClain (11:22a):** oh, the florida man thing?

**Keith Kogane (11:22a):** yeah

**Lance McClain (11:23a):** pidge and hunk like to send me florida man articles and pretend it’s me

**Lance McClain (11:23a):** it’s pretty wild lmao

**Keith Kogane (11:23a):** why? are you from Florida?

**Lance McClain (11:24a):** ya

**Lance McClain (11:24a):** well, cuba originally. my family moved to florida when i was four

**Lance McClain (11:24a):** they still live there

**Keith Kogane (11:26a):** wow. that’s kind of far—how did you end up in California?

**Lance McClain (11:28a):** moved here for school! that’s where i met hunk and katie

**Keith Kogane (11:29a):** do you miss home?

**Lance McClain (11:30a):** do I!!! I get really homesick sometimes. My youngest sister is growing up so fast, and i’m missing all of it

**Lance McClain (11:31a):** but i have a job, a roof over my head, and great friends who watch out for me and make sure i’m never lonely

**Lance McClain (11:31a):** so i can’t complain, really

**Keith Kogane (11:34a):** I’m glad

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 11:47AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re: Re: Re:ok but

 

Maybe he just doesn’t like me

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 12:06PM

**To:** Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>,Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>,Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Pizza?

 

We can go to Tony’s. My treat!

 

Thank you,

TS

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 12:07PM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>,Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>, Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Pizza?

 

That would be great, Shiro. Thanks!

Perfect time to chat with Keith as well—I don’t think we’ve met properly. :D

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 12:08PM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>,Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:Pizza?

 

 

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 12:08PM

**To:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>,Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re:Pizza?

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCOVUz0SZAQ>

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 12:10PM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re:Pizza?

 

I changed my mind. Only Hunk can come

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

 **_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **  
****

**Keith Kogane (1:33p):** You all seem really close

**Keith Kogane (1:33p):** How do you know each other?

**Lance McClain (1:35p):** who, me, hunk, and pidge?

**Keith Kogane (1:36p):** Pidge? Is that…Katie?

**Lance McClain (1:37p):** ya

**Lance McClain (1:37p):** the three of us met in college

**Keith Kogane (1:39p):** And you happened to get hired at the same company?

**Lance McClain (1:40p):** well, pidge got hired first. but when she saw other departments had open positions, she gave us the heads up

**Keith Kogane (1:40p):** What about Shiro? How are you friends?

**Lance McClain (1:41p):** dude, why wouldn’t we be friends?? idk if you’ve noticed, but your brother is awesome

**Lance McClain (1:42p):** hunk and i met him here at voltron, but pidge already knew him

**Lance McClain (1:42p):** apparently, shiro went to school with her brother matt

**Keith Kogane (1:43p):** Matt Holt? Yeah, that was his college roommate, wow

**Keith Kogane (1:43p):** small world

**Lance McClain (1:43p):** ur tellin me

**Lance McClain (1:44p):** and now we have you ;)

**Keith Kogane (1:44p):** …yeah

 

* * *

 

 _Text Message from_ **Keith**

 **Keith (1:45pm):** pLEASE send hel p  
****

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 1:40PM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re: Re: Re:ok but

 

Fuckin’ really, Lance? After that lunch…

 

_Really_

 

 

   

 

> ** _Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 11:47AM_ _Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com> said:_ **
> 
> Maybe he just doesn’t like me

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 1:46PM

**To:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re:Re: Re: Re: Re:ok but

 

You saw that aggressive staring, right? Like he was trying to set me on fire with his eyes 

He hates me, doesn’t he

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 1:48PM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:ok but

 

  

 

* * *

  
****

**_Hangout: Keith, Lance, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Keith Kogane (3:47p):** [ Florida man arrested when cops mistake donut glaze for meth](http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/florida-man-arrested-when-cops-mistake-donut-glaze-for-meth/6xTq9pCvMWBRn2ChjkQQDJ/)

**Katie Holt (3:48p):** omf

**Lance McClain (3:49p):** …

**Lance McClain (3:49p):** #EXPOSED

  

**_Hangout: Lance, Keith, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** ok, if you had to pick a property brother, who would you choose?

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** (good morning, btw)

**Hunk Garrett (7:39a):** Pick a Property Brother to do what? You’ve got to be more specific

**Katie Holt (7:40a):** Yeah, like marry or go kayaking or what

**Lance McClain (7:40a):** dafuq you mean, to do what??? the answer’s always jonathan, obvs

**Katie Holt (7:41a):** idk, Drew could get me a sweet deal on a house. Also, I feel like he would be the better baker

**Katie Holt (7:42a):** And he’d do it all while wearing a suit, ijs

**Hunk Garrett (7:43a):** Fair point. He does always look pretty sharp

**Lance McClain (7:44a):** hmmm. ok, but have you considered that sometimes jonathan rolls up the sleeves of his flannel and you can see his forearms??

**Katie Holt (7:44a):** true

**Hunk Garrett (7:45a):** Another fair point

**Lance McClain (7:45a):** like, in a fight to the death, i’m pretty sure jonathan would win

**Lance McClain (7:46a):** i mean, drywall doesn’t stand a chance against him

**Lance McClain (7:46a):** those guns!!!

**Katie Holt (7:47a):** Now that’s a spin-off I’d like to see. Lock them in a beautifully-decorated room and let them duke it out

**Katie Holt (7:47a):** Two enter

**Hunk Garrett (7:47a):** _Only one survives_

**Katie Holt (7:48a):** The true Brother vs Brother lmao

**Hunk Garrett (7:48a):** Also, can I just throw in there that I think Jonathan’s the better designer 

**Keith Kogane (7:49a):** …what are we talking about

**Lance McClain (7:49a):** what

**Katie Holt (7:50a):**

**Hunk Garrett (7:50a):**

 

 **Lance McClain (7:51a):** *GASP*

**Lance McClain (7:51a):** *G A S P*

**Lance McClain (7:52a):** KEEEEEEEEEEITH

**Lance McClain (7:52a):** FOR SHAME

**Keith Kogane (7:52a):** will you

**Keith Kogane (7:53a):** Lance, will you stop looking at me like that, _Christ._

**Keith Kogane (7:53a):** what?!

**Lance McClain (7:54a):** keith

**Lance McClain (7:54a):** keith, buddy, have you never seen property brothers????

**Keith Kogane (7:56a):** uh. no?

**Lance McClain (7:57a):** wtf else are you doing on weekday evenings, Saturday afternoons, and also sometimes weekday mornings??

**Keith Kogane (7:58a):** Having a life, mostly

**Katie Holt (7:59a):** lmaooo

**Lance McClain (7:59a):** _gutted_

**Lance McClain (8:00a):** don’t worry, keith. i’m here now. you’re gonna get you the help you need

**Hunk Garrett (8:00a):** It’s gonna be okay, Keith

**Katie Holt (8:01a):** You’re in good hands

**Keith Kogane (8:01a):** what is happening

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_**

**Keith Kogane (9:45a):** Can I ask you something?

**Lance McClain** **(9:46a):** ya sure

**Keith Kogane (9:46a):** You can say no if you want

**Lance McClain (9:46a):** wtf what

**Keith Kogane (9:47a):** Why does your email address say Leandro Alvarez

**Lance McClain (9:48a):** ?? email addresses use our government names?

**Keith Kogane (9:49a):** and yours isn’t Lance McClain? 

**Lance McClain (9:49a):** ah

**Lance McClain (9:50a):** tht is such a long story

**Lance McClain (9:50a):** well

**Lance McClain (9:50a):** if you want the footnotes, i was forced to change it for your people

**Keith Kogane (9:51a):** wtf is that supposed to mean

**Lance McClain (9:51a):** …white supremacy is real, buttercup

**Keith Kogane (9:51a):** I’m Korean, you dickfuck

 

* * *

  

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 9:51AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** KEITH IS KOREAN????

 

WHAT

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garret@voltron.com>

Date: Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 9:53AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: KEITH IS KOREAN????

 

…yes?

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 9:54AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: KEITH IS KOREAN????

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, _YES_

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 9:55AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: KEITH IS KOREAN????

 

Well, man, he has Korean features? And I’ve heard him mutter to himself in Korean. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s mentioned it before

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 9:56AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: KEITH IS KOREAN????

 

WHAT.I JUST CALLED HIM WHITE, WHITEST OF THE WHITE. LIKE, I DIDN’T THINK HE KNEW HOW TO SEASON MEAT??WHITE. BASICALLY TO HIS FACE

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 9:56AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: KEITH IS KOREAN????

 

****

  

* * *

 

_ **Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain**_

**Keith Kogane (9:51a):** I’m Korean, you dickfuck

**Lance McClain (9:57a):** holy shit dude, i’m so sorry

**Keith Kogane (9:57a):** It’s fine

**Lance McClain (9:57a):** i didn’t mean to assume

**Keith Kogane (9:58a):** _It’s fine_

**Keith Kogane (9:58a):** Now what about white supremacy?

**Lance McClain (9:59a):** It’s kind of complicated

**Lance McClain (9:59a):** But the gist of it is a.) white people can figure out how to pronounce (and spell) Tchaikovsky and Benadryl Thundersnatch, but give them a Name of Color™ and they’re all

**Lance McClain (10:00a):**

****

**Keith Kogane (10:00a):** lol

**Lance McClain (10:01a):** b.) you’re less likely to be stereotyped if your name looks white on paper, especially since i have a good thirty names and that _really_ scares them. how do you think i got this gig?

**Keith Kogane (10:02a):** Probably by being extremely good at your job

**Keith Kogane (10:02a):** but I agree, that’s probably what stopped them from trashing your resume right away

**Keith Kogane (10:03a):** i feel like that’s why my mom named me Keith. Nice, Anglo-ish name

**Lance McClain(10:04a):** yes, very melanin-deficient. good job, Keith’s mom

**Keith Kogane (10:04a):** So Leandro Alvarez is your actual name?

**Lance McClain (10:04a):** Nah, they still fucked it up. if we’re using the two-name system, technically, my name would be Leandro Diaz

**Lance McClain (10:05a):** but whatever, it doesn’t matter

**Keith Kogane (10:05a):** _No_. Your name is _who you are_

**Keith Kogane (10:05a):** And if it’s important to you, it matters, Lance

**Keith Kogane (10:06a):** Let’s start over—my name is Keith Kogane, nice to meet you. What’s yours?

**Lance McClain (10:08a):** …Leandro Tomás Diaz Álvarez McClain García

**Lance McClain (10:08a):** but I go by Lance. My immediate family calls me that too

**Keith Kogane (10:09a):** wow

**Keith Kogane (10:09a):** Mcclain’s actually part of your name?

**Lance McClain (10:10a):** ya. abuelita on my ma’s side is a rebel and married a gringo

**Keith Kogane (10:11a):** Your name is awesome, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise

**Lance McClain (10:11a):** aww, Keith!!!

**Keith Kogane (10:11a):** :)

**Keith Kogane (10:11a):** …sucker

**Lance McClain (10:12a):**???

**Keith Kogane (10:12a):** now, I suggest you do everythingi say, or you’re going right in my Death Note

**Lance McClain (10:13a):** sHIT

**Keith Kogane (10:13a):** *rubs hands together*

**Lance McClain (10:14a):**

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:14AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** FCUK!!!!!!!!!!!! eom

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Katie Holt, Hunk Garrett_ **

**Katie Holt (10:15a)** : how much you wanna bet that was another Keith meltdown

**Hunk Garrett (10:16a):** Katie, we get those multiple times a day. _Of course_ it was

**Katie Holt (10:16a):** how much time do you give them

**Hunk Garrett (10:17a):** I feel like any longer than three days is detrimental to Lance’s health

**Katie Holt (10:17a):** Not what I asked~

**Hunk Garrett (10:17a):** …two months, tops

**Katie Holt (10:18a):** If they’re not fucking as we speak!!! boiiiiiii

  

* * *

  

**From:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:15AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Please just shoot me

 

It’s just…it’s the humane thing to do

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Takashi Shirogane, Keith Kogane_**

**Takashi Shirogane (10:18a):** Keith, you really need to watch what you put in work emails

**Keith Kogane (10:19a):** And you really need to make sure I don’t leave my house

**Takashi Shirogane (10:19a):** Keith

**Keith Kogane (10:19a):** It’s hard to humiliate yourself when you’re the only witness

**Keith Kogane (10:20a):**

**Takashi Shirogane (10:22a):** was that

**Takashi Shirogane (10:22a):** was that a meme?

**Takashi Shirogane (10:23a):** I don’t know why I thought leaving you with Lance was a good idea. He and Katie are almost insufferable with that stuff

**Keith Kogane (10:24a):** gjhk’:FKSrghiljfkx.f

**Takashi Shirogane (10:24a):** …did you just faceplant on your keyboard

**Takashi Shirogane (10:24a):** So Lance is the reason you’re being so dramatic, then

**Keith Kogane (10:25a):** I aM NOT BEING DRAMATIC

**Keith Kogane (10:25a):** WE WERE HAVING A BONDING MOMENT AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD WRITE HIS NAME IN MY DEATH NOTE

**Takashi Shirogane (10:26a):** Huh, you still have that? I thought you got rid of it after your anime phase

**Keith Kogane (10:26a):** First of all, anime isn’t a _phase_. You can never really shut that door once you’ve opened it

**Takashi Shirogane (10:27a):** Your emo phase, then

**Keith Kogane (10:27a):** STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT

**Keith Kogane (10:28a):** I BASICALLY ADMITTED TO KNOWING WHAT A DEATH NOTE IS AND HOW IT WORKS AND TO HAVING ONE

**Keith Kogane (10:28a):** I’M GONNA BE THE WEIRD KID ALL OVER AGAIN

**Takashi Shirogane (10:29a):** Keith, you _are_ weird. And that’s fine

**Keith Kogane (10:30a):** idk why I thought talking to you would make me feel better. If you’re not going to shoot me, leave me to waste away in peace

**Takashi Shirogane (10:31a):** I don’t see what the big deal is. Have you _met_ Lance?

**Keith Kogane (10:31a):** You know, he sounds a bit familiar, like I know him from somewhere. Oh yeah, he’s that guY I THREATENED TO PUT IN MY DEATH NOTE

**Takashi Shirogane (10:32a):** Okay, that is an empty threat anyway, because you’d need his full name for that

**Keith Kogane (10:32a):** well, seeing as he told me

**Takashi Shirogane (10:33a):** He _did_???

**Takashi Shirogane (10:33a):** Interesting

**Takashi Shirogane (10:33a):** Keith, did you happen to notice if Lance knew what you were threatening him with?

**Keith Kogane (10:33a):** …yeah? I think so?

**Takashi Shirogane (10:34a):** See? Now you’re not the only weeb and you can relax

**Keith Kogane (10:34a):** Says the guy who owns Inuyasha sheets

**Takashi Shirogane (10:35a):** Those are collectibles, Keith 

 

* * *

  

**From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:45AM

**To:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Were you aware

 

that Lance apparently told Keith his full name?

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:47AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, 

**Subject:** Re: Were you aware

 

_What?_ You know he only does that with people he trusts

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:50AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Takashi Shirogane<takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Were you aware

 

Yeah, how else is he supposed to protect himself from an early demise via Death Note???  

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:52AM

**To:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Were you aware

 

To be fair, Pidge, he kind of has a point. You never know—might as well be prepared

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:54AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Were you aware

 

…You didn’t hear this from me, but Keith’s first reaction to hearing Lance’s whole name was to threaten to write it in a Death Note

 

Thank you,

TS 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:55AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Were you aware

 

HOLY SHIT, those nerds

Okay, when’s the wedding

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:34AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett  <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: FCUK!!!!!!!!!!!! eom

 

I am always so careful

keith has wEAKENED ME

 

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt  <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 14, 2017 at 10:56AM

**To:** Lance McClain  <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: FCUK!!!!!!!!!!!! eom

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Space Gays of Color give me LIFE ahhh  
> Texan!Keith can still be Korean!Keith, _FIGHT ME_
> 
> As always, come scream with me about Voltron [here](http://gdi-lance.tumblr.com/)!


	3. cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to update last week, but then I started reading other people's fic and lost all sense of space and time--sorry buds. I do that. lmao
> 
> Thanks again for all the love--so glad people are enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it~

**_Hangout: Lance, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (7:35a):** hOLY

**Lance McClain (7:35a):** it’s been real, guys. it was an honor being your friend

**Katie Holt (7:37a):** what are you going on about now

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** KEITH

**Katie Holt (7:38a):** yes, of course it’s about keith, why wouldn’t it be, so silly of me to ask

**Lance McClain (7:38a):** KEITH HAS AN EYEBROW RING?!?!?!!!

**Hunk Garrett (7:38a):** Woo boy

**Hunk Garrett (7:38a):** Don’t leave us hanging—deets??

**Lance McClain (7:39a):** Oh, right. ok, so today he’s wearing this nice red dress shirt with the first few buttons undone. i can see he’s got a shirt under there that’s got to be from hot topic circa 2004

**Lance McClain (7:40a):** but whatever, red’s his color, you know?

**Hunk Garrett (7:40a):** It really is.

**Lance McClain (7:40a):** so it works. But I was making fun of his gothwear and he turned to face me all the way and i noticed it???? _eyebrow ring_

**Lance McClain (7:41a):** SO NOW I HAVE TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF OR SOMETHING

**Lance McClain (7:41a):** i haven’t ironed out the details yet for how exactly i will end my suffering. but i wanted you both to know how much i love you

**Hunk Garrett (7:42a):** I love you too, man

**Katie Holt (7:42a):** oh for crying out—

 

**_Hangout: Katie, Keith, Lance, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (7:42a):** _pidge_

**Katie Holt (7:43a):** so, Keith. what do you have to say for yourself

**Keith Kogane (7:44a):** …What

**Katie Holt (7:44a):** what’s up with the eyebrow ring, Keith?

**Keith Kogane (7:44a):** _Shit_. I forgot to take it out!

**Katie Holt (7:45a):** Wait, you really do have one?

**Keith Kogane (7:46a):** Yeah

**Keith Kogane (7:46a):** ..Lance, are you okay over there? You’re making a really high-pitched noise?

**Katie Holt (7:46a):**

 

**Lance McClain (7:46a):** oh yeah, super

**Lance McClain (7:47a):** about to toss myself down some stairs

**Keith Kogane (7:47a):** What

**Lance McClain (7:47a):** wHAT

**Hunk Garrett (7:48a):** Wow, Keith! Didn’t know you had a piercing

**Keith Kogane (7:49a):** Yeah, I have a few

**Keith Kogane (7:49a):** Lance, are you sure you’re okay

**Katie Holt (7:49a):** lololol

**Katie Holt (7:49a):** Wait, what’s he doing

**Keith Kogane (7:50a):** He’s making that noise again. And kinda flailing

**Keith Kogane (7:51a):** Is he having some sort of fit? Should I call someone?

**Hunk Garrett (7:52a):** Nah, he’s just overheating because he really has a thing for

**Lance McClain (7:52a):** HUNK

**Hunk Garrett (7:52a):** Mondays. That is 1000% what I was going to say

**Katie Holt (7:53a):**

 

 **Keith Kogane (7:53a):** …Okay?

**Keith Kogane (7:54a):** Anyway, do I need to take it out? There’s a dress code here, right?

**Hunk Garrett (7:54a):** eh, there’s nothing in the employee handbook about piercings. It just says to dress appropriately, and your manager decides what that is

**Hunk Garrett (7:55a):** But Coran’s pretty chill, so I think you’ll be fine. Feel free to ask

**Hunk Garrett (8:02a):** Keith?

 

_ **Hangout: Katie Holt, Hunk Garrett**_

**Katie Holt (8:04a):** Think they’re finally fuckin

**Hunk Garrett (8:05a):** Come on, Pidge

**Hunk Garrett (8:05a):** You know Lance can’t work that fast

**Katie Holt (8:05a):** but Piercings!Keith probably can lmao

**Hunk Garrett (8:06a):** …true

 

**_Hangout: Katie, Keith, Lance, Hunk_ **

**Hunk Garrett (8:02a):** Keith?

**Keith Kogane (8:10a):** Sorry. I was checking on Lance

**Katie Holt (8:11a):** lmfaooo

**Katie Holt (8:11a):** And how is he?

**Keith Kogane (8:12a):** Well, he’s really red, but he told me not to worry about it, so I guess he’s fine?

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (8:14a):** i am deceased. Keith apparently also has a tattoo somewhere. game over.

**Hunk Garrett (8:15a):** Sorry, buddy. You’re a goner

**Lance McClain (8:15a):** ay, dios, por qué me prueba

**Katie Holt (8:16a):**  

**Lance McClain (8:17a):**

 

**Hunk Garrett (8:17a):**

 

 **Katie Holt (8:18a):** you rn 

**Lance McClain (8:19a):** pidge!!! holy shit why

**Lance McClain (8:19a):** first of all, fuck you

**Lance McClain (8:20a):** but whatever i’ll just be clawing my face off at my desk if you need me

**Katie Holt (8:20a):** k, bye love you

**Lance McClain (8:20a):** <3 

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_**

**Keith Kogane (8:30a):** so I asked already, but I feel like I should ask again

**Keith Kogane (8:30a):** Are you sure you’re okay?

**Lance McClain (8:32a):** yeah, never better! why wouldn ’t i be?

**Keith Kogane (8:32a):** You just spent the last five minutes groaning facedown into the carpet

**Lance McClain (8:33a):** it’s quite relaxing, ok MIND YOUR BUSINESS, KEITH

**Keith Kogane (8:33a):** I was _just asking_ , jeez. chill

**Keith Kogane (8:34a):** clearly you need to get back down there and relax some more

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Hunk, Katie_ **

**Lance McClain (8:37a):**

 

* * *

 

**From:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 20, 2017 at 8:13AM

**To:** Team <voltron@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Please Do Not Forget

 

Good morning, Paladins!

 

It is that time of year again! This is a gentle reminder to drink plenty of fluids, wash your hands frequently, and to get your yearly flu shot. 

 

Stay healthy,

Shay

**_“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Lance McClain_ **

**Keith Kogane (8:15a):** hey

**Lance McClain (8:16a):** sup

**Keith Kogane (8:16a):** What’s a Paladin?

**Lance McClain (8:16a):** lol, that’s what the ceo likes to call voltron employees for some reason

**Lance McClain (8:17a):** so HR took it and ran with it and now uses it in every email

**Keith Kogane (8:18a):** Also, why is HR treating me like I’m a child

**Lance McClain (8:18a):** well, have you gotten your flu shot??? HMMMM???

**Keith Kogane (8:18a):** …no

**Lance McClain (8:18a):** that’s why lmao

**Lance McClain (8:19a):** i personally don’t mind shay reminding me of things with terrible clipart. she means well. and she’s really nice, so don’t be a dick

**Keith Kogane (8:19a):** Why would you assume I’d be a dick? wtf

**Lance McClain (8:20a):** no reason

 

**Lance McClain (9:30a):** soooooo

**Keith Kogane (9:32a):** ?

**Lance McClain (9:32a):** I see you’re still wearing that eyebrow ring

**Keith Kogane (9:33a):** Yeah. I talked to Coran about it, and he doesn’t care either way

**Keith Kogane (9:33a):** so I saw no point in taking it out again

**Lance McClain (9:34a):** cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

 

* * *

 

 

**From:** Coran H.W. Smythe <coran.smythe@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 20, 2017 at 9:40AM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Please get up

 

We’ve talked about this, my boy. Please refrain from lying on the floor during office hours. It’s quite distracting.

 

Cheers,

Coran

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Hunk, Lance, Katie, Keith_ **

**Hunk Garrett (10:02a):** [**Florida Man Throws an Alligator Into a Wendy’s Drive-Thru Window**](http://www.wptv.com/news/region-c-palm-beach-county/loxahatchee-acreage/man-accused-of-tossing-gator-into-wendys-drive-thru-window)

**Lance McClain (10:03a):** it wasn’t my fault, ok

**Lance McClain (10:03a):** i was understandably angry

**Lance McClain (10:03a):** they ran out of nuggets

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Keith, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (11:46a):** hOLY SHIT, did you guys see that literal goddess floating through the halls today???

**Hunk Garrett (11:48a):** Are you talking about Nyma again? I thought you were over her

**Lance McClain (11:49a):** NAH, SON

**Lance McClain (11:49a):** nyma is a beauty, but she’s nowhere near the league of this etherial creature. let alone the same solar system!!

**Lance McClain (11:50a):**

 

 **Katie Holt (11:50a):** here we go

**Lance McClain (11:50a):** Keith saw her too!!! tell them, keith!!!

**Keith Kogane (11:51a):** She was ok

**Lance McClain (11:51a):** KEITH. WHAT

**Keith Kogane (11:51a):** I mean, she was definitely pretty. I didn’t say she wasn’t

**Lance McClain (11:52a):** idk why you are lying rn. just being in the same building as her has watered my crops and cleared my pores

**Hunk Garrett (11:52a):** Lance, your pores are already clear. Your skincare routine is on point

**Lance McClain (11:53a):** yes, I know. but…HOLY SHIT SHE’S HERE. SHE’S WALKED INTO OUR OFFICE???

**Lance McClain (11:53a):** and coran is hugging her omfg

**Katie Holt (11:53a):** get it, Coran

 

 **Lance McClain (11:54a):** pls no. coran, buddy, _let me have this_

**Keith Kogane (11:54a):** I don’t see what the big deal is. She’s fine

**Katie Holt (11:55a):** @keith

 

 **Keith Kogane (11:55a):** what. I’m just saying I don’t see what the big deal is

**Hunk Garrett (11:55a):** @Keith

 

 **Keith Kogane (11:56a):** WHAT

**Katie Holt (11:56a):** Nothing. Nothing at all

**Lance McClain (11:57a):** so i went over there to “ask coran a question” and he introduced me to to her and it turns out she’s kinda his niece??? but also, her name is allura and she’s the CEO of voltron’s daughter and she owns all of us

**Hunk Garrett (11:57a):** Wait, what

**Lance McClain (11:58a):** keith, why are you looking at me like that. if looks could kill, geez

**Lance McClain (11:58a):** are you mad that i asked her out to lunch before you could, and that she said yes??? sucks to be you, bruh

**Keith Kogane (11:59a):** …

**Katie Holt (11:59a):** Are you saying you have a lunch date with the woman who could end you and your career in two seconds flat?

**Lance McClain (11:59a):** ya

**Lance McClain (12:00p):**

 

 **Katie Holt (12:00p):** Cool, just making sure we’re on the same page

**Lance McClain (12:02p):** looks like she’s ready for me ;)))

**Lance McClain (12:02p):** l8tr, losers

**Katie Holt (12:02p):** …

**Katie Holt (12:03p):** @ Keith

**Hunk Garrett (12:03p):** nooooo not Zuko lol

**Hunk Garrett (12:03p):** sorry, buddy :/

**Keith Kogane (12:05p):** idk what you guys are implying but I have work to do

**Katie Holt (12:05p):** Keith, it’s lunchtime

_**Keith has left the Hangout** _

**Katie Holt (12:05p):** sighHHHHH

**Katie Holt (12:06p):** Boys are dumb

**Hunk Garrett (12:06p):** No arguments here haha

**Katie Holt (12:08p):** wanna watch me inhale a family-sized bag of tater tots in a disgusting amount of time

**Hunk Garrett (12:08p):** Pidge, come on. You know you don’t even have to ask

**Hunk Garrett (12:09p):** Can you save me a tot

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Katie, Hunk, Keith_ **

**Lance McClain (1:17p):**

**Hunk Garrett (1:18p):** Oh hey, buddy. You’re back!

**Hunk Garrett (1:18p):** How did your lunch go?

**Lance McClain (1:18p):** you mean, how was lunch with the future mother of my children???

**Katie Holt (1:19p):** oh, come on

**Lance McClain (1:19p):** no pidge, you don’t understand!! the alluring allura has stolen my heart, ok

**Lance McClain (1:19p):** she’s gorgeous, she’s British, her laugh sounds like bells 

**Katie Holt (1:20p):** and she probably has enough money in her pocket right now to buy twenty of you

**Lance McClain (1:20p):** you say that like it’s a bad thing lmao

**Lance McClain (1:21p):** i have no qualms with quitting my job to be her arm candy and house husband

**Lance McClain (1:21p):** I will take care of all our beautiful children, just let me breathe the same air as you

_ **Keith has left the Hangout** _

**Lance McClain (1:21p):** jeez what’s _his_ damage

**Katie Holt (1:22p):** probably didn’t want to be forced to listen to your crazy ramblings about your imaginary children

**Katie Holt (1:22p):** Just a guess, tho

**Lance McClain (1:23p):** excuse u

**Lance McClain (1:23p):** carlitos is a gift to us all

**Hunk Garrett (1:25p):** lol Carlitos

**Katie Holt (1:27p):** So you’re saying that after one lunch, she’s into you and you’re ready to ride off into the sunset?

**Katie Holt (1:27p):**

**Lance McClain (1:28p):** well, not exactly

**Lance McClain (1:28p):** she mostly just wanted to talk about voltron, because i guess she’s going to be learning how to run the family business

**Lance McClain (1:29p):** BUT I’M SURE that when i ask her out on an actual legit date, we’ll connect on a spiritual level and i’ll be mr. allura in no time

**Hunk Garrett (1:29p):** This plan doesn’t sound very realistic, but I’m rooting for you! :D

**Katie Holt (1:29p):** Let me know when you ask her out again. I wanna watch

**Katie Holt (1:30p):** You know how much I love trainwrecks

**Lance McClain (1:30p):** first of all, rude

**Lance McClain (1:30p):** but i gotchu, boo~

 

**_Hangout: Lance McClain, Keith Kogane_ **

**Lance McClain (1:40p):** keith

**Lance McClain (1:40p):** keeeeeith

**Lance McClain (1:40p):** what’s up with that face, keith??

**Keith Kogane (1:47p):** idk what you’re talking about. This just is my face

**Lance McClain (1:47p):** nah, you’re more scowley than usual

**Lance McClain (1:47p):** wazzup with you

**Keith Kogane (1:48p):** Lance, I’m just trying to get work done, and this is my face

**Lance McClain (1:48p):** if you say so, man

 

**_Hangout: Katie Holt, Keith Kogane_ **

**Katie Holt (2:22p):** Dude.How you gonna lie to my face like that?

**Keith Kogane (2:24p):** ?

**Katie Holt (2:24p):** I just saw Allura?? She’s an actual goddess, and if I wasn’t ace I would 1000% percent throw myself at her feet

**Keith Kogane (2:28p):** I didn’t lie. I said she was pretty

**Katie Holt (2:28p):** _Keith_. Keith, that’s like saying I’m good at computers or that Hunk is a good cook. Such an understatement, it’s insulting

**Katie Holt (2:29p):** And i also recall you saying, and I quote, “i don’t see what the big deal is, she’s fine”

**Katie Holt (2:29p):** so again I ask

**Katie Holt (2:30p):**

**Keith Kogane (2:31p):** …who is that?

**Katie Holt (2:31p):** OMG

**Keith Kogane (2:31p):** what

**Katie Holt (2:31p):** A;JL;KADFGHLS

 

* * *

 

**From:** Coran H.W. Smythe <coran.smythe@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 20, 2017 at 3:46PM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Good job!

 

Boys,

 

Your input in the meeting this afternoon was sweet as—Voltron is lucky to have such a dynamic duo on its team! Keep up the good work.

 

Cheers,

Coran

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 20, 2017 at 3:48PM

**To:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Good job!

 

Eyyyyy, looks like we _are_ a good team ;D

 

* * *

 

_Text message from_ **Keith**

**Keith (3:49 pm):** You said you’d always be there for me

**Keith (3:49 pm):** And yet you’re watching me drown

**Shiro (3:54 pm):** Wait, is emo middle school Keith making a comeback? I’ve kinda missed that little guy

**Keith (3:56 pm):** Takashi, I am suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol @ Shay's HR emails with shitty clipart--I'm all about the realism in this fic, folks lololol


	4. katelyn holt, YOU are the absolute worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who read/commented/left kudos. You guys make me so happy ♡♡♡

**_Hangout: Lance, Hunk, Katie, Keith_ **

**Lance McClain (7:57a):** do you know what really grinds my gears

**Keith Kogane (7:58a):** When it’s Monday morning and you have to listen to someone talk nonstop for twenty minutes before you’ve even been able to look at the coffeepot

**Lance McClain (7:58a):** …

**Lance McClain (7:58a):** if you didn’t want to know how my weekend was, you shouldn’t have asked, keith

**Katie Holt (7:58a):** lmao. Rookie mistake

**Keith Kogane (7:59a):** I was just asking to be polite

**Keith Kogane (7:59a):** I ask how your weekend was, you ask how _my_ weekend was, and we both say “fine” whether it was or wasn’t and move on like normal people

**Keith Kogane (7:59a):** I didn’t realize you would tell me every detail

**Lance McClain (8:00a):** um, of course i would?? i am a great storyteller

**Hunk Garrett (8:00a):** You can tell _me_ about it, buddy

**Lance McClain (8:00a):** it’s not the same, Hunk. you already know, because you were there

**Katie Holt (8:01a):** Lance, did you have a point in summoning us all to this cursed chat

**Lance McClain (8:01a):** oh. yes!!

**Lance McClain (8:01a):** so. do you know what really grinds my gears

**Lance McClain (8:01a):** keith, stop sighing

**Keith Kogane (8:02a):** …whatever could it be, Lance?

**Lance McClain (8:02a):** do you know how much money i would pay for an NSYNC reunion?? so much money. i don’t even care. i would sell my house

**Katie Holt (8:02a):** You don’t own a house

**Lance McClain (8:03a):** _exactly_

**Lance McClain (8:03a):** but does Justin Timberlake care??? no. he is so selfish

**Hunk Garrett (8:03a):** i mean, same. But why do you say he’s selfish

**Lance McClain (8:04a):** um, because pretty much everyone else in the group has nothing much going for them rn and this tour could really help them

**Lance McClain (8:04a):** remember when Chris was on that reality show for reject boyband members? that was so embarrassing. haven’t heard from him since

**Lance McClain (8:04a):** and Joey. poor joey!! i saw him on insurance commercials omfg. can you imagine? going from the top of the world to commercials for third-rate insurance. so sad

**Katie Holt (8:05a):** he was also the host of a few canceled game shows, so he has that going for him

**Lance McClain (8:05a):** and do you know what camila told me he’s doing now? he owns a hot dog stand. not even a _chain_ of hot dog stands, _a_ hot dog stand. IN A MALL

**Keith Kogane (8:05a):** who’s Camila

**Hunk Garrett (8:06a):** his sister

**Katie Holt (8:06a):** Lance’s sister. ok, I call BS on that one. that sounds made up

**Lance McClain (8:06a):** hold up, lemme find it

**Keith Kogane (8:07a):** …you do realize that everyone but Justin is old and fat now

**Hunk Garrett (8:07a):** idk, JC and Lance are still looking pretty hot.

**Katie Holt (8:07a):** OMFG. 

**Katie Holt (8:07a):** Keith, you know about NSYNC?

**Keith Kogane (8:08a):** I mean, I’ve heard of them

**Lance McClain (8:08a):** everyone ages, Keith. what’s your point??

**Keith Kogane (8:08a):** my point is, knowing he’s old and fat, why would you put Joey through the stress and humiliation of a world tour? that’s just cruel

**Lance McClain (8:09a):** _hot dog stand_ , Keith

**Keith Kogane (8:09a):** those hot dogs are exactly why he can’t do the choreography anymore

**Lance McClain (8:09a):** GASP

**Katie Holt (8:09a):** i’m cryin

**Lance McClain (8:10a):** THE BLATANT DISRESPECT

**Keith Kogane (8:10a):** really? then why are you laughing right now lol

**Hunk Garrett (8:10a):**

**Lance McClain (8:11a):** THERE WAS JUST SOMETHING IN MY THROAT, THAT’S ALL

**Lance McClain (8:11a):** I FOUND THE STAND [**http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/7416715/joey-fatone-fat-ones-hot-dog-stand-orlando-florida-mall**](http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/7416715/joey-fatone-fat-ones-hot-dog-stand-orlando-florida-mall)

**Katie Holt (8:12a):** Y i k e s

**Keith Kogane (8:12a):** …this article just proves my point

**Lance McClain (8:12a):** I DON’T CARE IF THEY’RE ALL OLD AND FAT. TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY

**Lance McClain (8:12a):** WHY WON’T YOU LET ME LIVE, KEITH

**Keith Kogane (8:13a):** because you wouldn’t even let me get a cup of coffee this morning before you told me all about how you and Hunk got couple’s massages and then went home and watched tv in your pajamas

**Hunk Garrett (8:13a):** dude, those massages were a steal. let me know if you need one, I’m totally down to go again

**Lance McClain (8:14a):** HUNK!! do not get massages with this heathen. this fun-sucker, sucker of fun!!

**Katie Holt (8:14a):** Lance, if you really want to support Joey, we should just all just take a trip to Orlando and visit his hot dog stand. Then drive down to Miami and chill with your fam for a bit

**Lance McClain (8:15a):** …mamá would love that

**Lance McClain (8:15a):** ok solid plan. everyone’s invited but keith, because he’s a ruiner of dreams

**Keith Kogane (8:15a):** ugh, I’m sorry, jeez. I’m realist, I can’t help it

**Keith Kogane (8:16a):** I’ll take you to get that ice cream you said you like at lunch, okay?

**Lance McClain (8:16a):** hmMMMM

**Lance McClain (8:16a):** I WANT TWO SCOOPS, KEITH

**Keith Kogane (8:16a):** yeah sure whatever

**Lance McClain (8:17a):** cool. you’re reinvited to the joey hot dog support trip

**Hunk Garrett (8:17a):** That name needs a little help, but we’ll work on it!

**Lance McClain (8:17a):** support joey’s hot dogs trip?

**Hunk Garrett (8:18a):** I feel like we can do better

**Katie Holt (8:18a):** damn. That was smooth, Keith! lol

**Keith Kogane (8:18a):** I have no idea what you’re talking about

**Lance McClain (8:19a):** keith, does this mean i’ll get to say hi to la manguita roja??

**Keith Kogane (8:19a):** …what

**Katie Holt (8:19a):** Google translate won’t help you there, buddy

**Lane McClain (8:20a):** um. yeah, sorry

**Lance McClain (8:20a):** it’s cuban slang? i was talking about your bike

**Lance McClain (8:20a):** You said she didn’t have a name, which is unacceptable

**Keith Kogane (8:21a):** so you named my bike

**Lance McClain (8:21a):** ya! ur welcome

**Lance McClain (8:21a):** see, this is why Red loves me more than you

**Lance McClain (8:21a):** gotta know how to treat a pretty lady

**Keith Kogane (8:22a):** yeah, whatever

 

* * *

 

**From:** Allura Altea <allura@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 10:24AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Hello

 

Good morning, Mr. Shirogane,

 

I’m called Allura, and I believe we were introduced briefly last week? Hopefully you can recall.

I apologize for the brief notice, but would you possibly be free for lunch today? Or maybe a spot of tea. My treat, of course—it would be a great help to hear more about how your department operates.

Of course, it is completely understandable if you are unable to heed my last-minute request; we can reschedule to a more suitable time.

 

All best,

Allura

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 10:31AM

**To:** Allura Altea  <allura@voltron.com

**Subject:** Re:Hello

 

Ms. Altea,

 

Yes, of course I remember—you’re hard to forget! I am completely free for lunch today, and would be happy to take you out.

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

_Text Message from_ **Shiro**

**Shiro (10:31am):** SHIT

**Shiro (10:31am):** Quick, how do you delete an email you’ve already sent

**Keith (10:33am):** Um, how tf would I know? Why don’t you just ask Katie? She kinda does that for a living

**Shiro (10:34am):** Because she’ll read it and I’ll never hear the end of it, come on

**Keith (10:34am):** You’re under the assumption that she doesn’t read our emails anyway

**Shiro (10:35am):** Katie isn’t a snoop. That’s Hunk

**Keith (10:35am):** Wait, what

**Shiro (10:35am):** Focus, Keith.

**Shiro (10:36am):** I just told Allura that she’s hard to forget and that I would be happy to take her out. In a professional email. That’s not creepy at all

**Keith (10:36am):** …Allura

**Shiro (10:36am):** Yeah, princess of the company? Tall, silver-haired?

**Keith (10:37am):** I know who she is

**Keith (10:37am):** And I don’t see what the problem is. She IS hard to forget

**Keith (10:37am):** Or so I’m told

**Shiro (10:37am):** …I’m sensing a weird vibe from you right now, but as I’m in crisis, I’m choosing to ignore it

**Shiro (10:38am):** Keith, if you’ve ever loved me at all, you will write me in your Death Note immediately

**Keith (10:38am):** Fuck you

**Shiro (10:38am):** :)

**Shiro (10:39am):** Oh nooooo, she answered the email. It’s too late

**Keith (10:39am):** And what does it say?

 

* * *

 

**From:** Allura Altea <allura@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 10:38AM

**To:** Takashi Shirogane  <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:Hello

 

Splendid! We can go to one of my favourite bistros—it’s not terribly far. I’ll stop by to pick you up.

And you simply _must_ call me Allura. No need for formalities!

 

All best,

Allura

 

* * *

 

**From:** Takashi Shirogane <takashi.shirogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 10:39AM

**To:** Allura Altea  <allura@voltron.com

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re:Hello

 

In that case, Takashi is fine. I look forward to it!

 

Thank you,

TS

 

* * *

 

_Text Message from_ **Shiro**

**Shiro (10:45am):** Is this what you feel like every day

**Shiro (10:45am):** Just…a mortified disaster

**Keith (10:48am):** I repeat: fuck you

**Keith (10:48am):** Also, yes

 

**Group chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_lanceinyopants_ **

**lanceinyopants:** SHIT, we were supposed to get tacos today. I’m sorry guys I’M THE WORST

**pidgeotto:** Don’t even worry about it, my dude

**hunkymonkey:** Yeah, enjoy your date with Keith :D

**lanceinyopants:** Don’t even joke like that, Hunk. My heart can’t take the stress

**hunkymonkey:** I’m not joking? He took you out for the ice cream that he remembered you liked and paid for it

**pidgeotto:** And he didn’t invite me or Hunk even though we were RIGHT THERE and also enjoy frozen dairy treats

**pidgeotto:** Sounds like you’re en route to Bone Zone to me

**lanceinyopants:** WHAT

**lanceinyopants:** ARE YOU SAYING THAT I’M ON A DATE RIGHT NOW???

**lanceinyopants:** uggggg I’m not ready!!! I’m not even wearing my date pants, and you know they make my tush look the tushiest

**lanceinyopants:** THE INJUSTICE

**pidgeotto:** Lance, chill. I’m sure everything’s going fine

**pidgeotto:** Though you should probably stop texting us and get back to boning Keith

**lanceinyopants:** He’s getting the ice cream now, what should I do??

**hunkymonkey:** Um, say thank you and eat it and have a nice time?

**pidgeotto:** B O N E. But make it quick, you’ve only got like 20 minutes before you have to drive back

**pidgeotto:** Also, bring me a scoop

**lanceinyopants:** Correction: Katelyn Holt, YOU are the absolute worst

**lanceinyopants:** Superman flavor?

**pidgeotto:** You know it

**lanceinyopants:** Update: Keith’s favorite flavor is apparently vanilla and I’m filing for divorce, unacceptable

**lanceinyopants:** Also, Keith says hi

**hunkymonkey:** Hi, Keith :D

  
****

_Text Message from_ **Shiro**

**Shiro (1:26pm):** Keith, I’m so sorry. I just remembered were supposed to have lunch today

**Keith (1:30pm):** Oh yeah. Uh, don’t worry about it

**Shiro (1:32pm):** …I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic

**Keith (1:33pm):** I’m not. It’s fine.

**Shiro (1:33pm):** It’s never fine! The last time I tried to cancel our lunch plans, you were pouty and passive aggressive for three days!

**Keith (1:34pm):** I forgot too, okay?! And you didn’t try to cancel this time. You stood me up. Care to explain why you stood me up, Shiro

**Shiro (1:35pm):** I can’t stand you up if you were never waiting, little brother

**Shiro (1:35pm):** Why weren’t you waiting?

**Keith (1:36pm):** …

**Shiro (1:36pm):** …

**Keith (1:36pm):** …You owe me a cheeseburger

 

**_Hangout: Katie, Hunk, Lance, Keith_ **

**Katie Holt (9:10a):** Why wasn’t I old enough to compete on Who Wants to be a Millionaire when it was airing? The glory I could have had

**Hunk Garrett (9:12a):** Pidge, it’s still airing.

**Katie Holt (9:13a):** No, I want to be on the original version. Primetime, hour-long, only three lifelines, Regis glaring into my soul and making me shit myself with stress

**Lance McClain (9:13a):** ah, the good old days

**Lance McClain (9:14a):** pidge!! obviously i would have been your phone a friend!

**Katie Holt (9:14a):** well, yeah, because i wouldn’t need help so I would be like 

**Katie Holt (9:14a):** if I actually needed help tho, I’d call Matt or Hunk lol

**Hunk Garrett: (9:15a):** aww, thanks bud :D

**Lance McClain (9:15a):** totally fair

**Keith Kogane (9:15a):** mean girls

**Lance McClain (9:16a):** ?

**Keith Kogane (9:16a):** The movie that gif is from

**Keith Kogane (9:16a):** It’s been bothering me

**Katie Holt (9:17a):** Keith, seriously, how are you real

**Lance McClain (9:18a):**

****

**Hunk Garrett (9:19a):**

**Keith Kogane (9:19a):** ?

**Katie Holt (9:19a):** keith rn

**Keith Kogane (9:26a):** …

**Keith Kogane (9:26a):**

[ **** ](http://memes.com/img/578045)

**Katie Holt (9:27a):** ahahahahahahaha *breath* ahahahahahaha

**Hunk Garrett (9:27a):** DUDE LOL

 

* * *

 

**From:** Rax Balmera <raxton.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Tuesday, June 27, 2017 at 9:29AM

**To:** Lance McClain<leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**cc:** Keith Kogane  <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Seriously?

 

Nothing is that funny

Stop enabling him, Kogane

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Hunk, Keith, Katie_ **

**Lance McClain (3:36p):** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP7m9Y-u-3g>

**Hunk Garrett (3:37p):** yooooo that’s my jam

**Lance McClain (3:37p):** i know!! just for you, babe  <3

**Hunk Garrett (3:37p):** <333

**Katie Holt (3:38p):** Lance, it’s too early for this

**Lance McClain (3:38p):** Pidge, it’s 330

**Katie Holt (3:39p):** TOO EARLY

**Keith Kogane (3:42p):** That video is not safe for work

**Lance McClain (3:42p):** YOUR FACE ISN’T SAFE FOR WORK

**Keith Kogane (3:42p):** …what?

**Lance McClain (3:42p):** UH

**Katie Holt (3:43p):**

**Lance McClain (3:43p):** I MEAN

**Katie Holt (3:43p):** What he means is that your face is liable to be boner-inducing, much like the aforementioned video, and should therefore also be censored content

**Lance McClain (3:44p):** exCUSE ME, THAT WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT???

**Katie Holt (3:44p):** Well then, what _did_ you mean?

**Lance McClain (3:44p):** I MEANT THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT?? I SHOULD NOT BE FORCED TO LOOK AT KEITH’S FACE IT IS DISTRACTING

**Katie Holt (3:45p):** lol

**Lance McClain (3:45p):** BECAUSE HE’S GROSS, YOU LITTLE SHIT. WHY DON’T _YOU_ LOOK AT HIS MUG ALL DAY

**Hunk Garrett (3:45p):**

**Hunk Garrett (3:46p):** bro, come on. That’s not how you should treat people who you’d like to… be friends with

**Keith Kogane (3:46p):** it doesn’t matter. I like it

**Katie Holt (3:47p):** omfg?? kinky

**Lance McClain (3:47p):** …pardon me?

**Keith Kogane (3:47p):** the song. um

**Keith Kogane (3:48p):** I like it?

**Keith Kogane (3:48p):** the video’s still terrible, though

**Lance McClain (3:48p):** oh

**Lance McClain (3:48p):** oh, well, yeah

**Lance McClain (3:49p):** that’s good!! i’m glad

**Lance McClain (3:49p):** that you like the

**Lance McClain (3:49p):** song

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Katie, Hunk_ **

**Lance McClain (3:50p):** me rn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That NSYNC aside was an _actual conversation_ I had with a coworker. When I tell you I was crying actual tears--DYING LMAO. SO DISRESPECTFUL. But real talk, if Justin don't stop being so selfish and just take my money *side-eye emoji*
> 
> Also, please consider:  
>  **Pidge:** Keith, you know about NSYNC?  
>  **Keith:** *slides his _No Strings Attached_ album under a pile of paperwork*  
>  **Keith:** *changes his desktop wallpaper to a generic mountain*  
>  **Keith:** *stuffs his old copies of J-14 and YM into his bottom drawer*  
>  **Keith:** I mean, I've heard of them


	5. I GOT RECEIPTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries softly because all of your comments and support make my life*

**_Hangout: Katie, Lance, Hunk, Keith_ **

**Katie Holt (7:33a):** sup, fuckers

**Katie Holt** **(7:33a)** : [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j59bdF-Ipnw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j59bdF-Ipnw)

**Lance McClain (7:34a):** JESUS CHRIST

**Lance McClain (7:34a):** it is 730, pidge. you can no longer talk about me

**Katie Holt (7:34a):** I can talk about you forever, actually. Frankly, there’s a lot to say

**Katie Holt (7:34a):** Besides, I was just trying to say hello to Keith

**Lance McClain (7:35a):** keith?? wtf who what where when how

**Katie Holt (7:35a):** I just thought he’d like it, that’s all :)

**Lance McClain (7:35a):** keith, why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost

**Katie Holt (7:36a):** again with the ghosts

**Keith Kogane (7:36a):** idk what you’re talking about That’s just my face

**Lance McClain (7:36a):** you know, i think i’ve heard that song before, but i don’t remember where

**Hunk Garrett (7:36a):** Dude, that’s the first opening song of Death Note, remember?

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** ahhh, that’s where

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** i didn’t really keep up with the anime. just the manga

**Lance McClain (7:37a):** keith, what are you muttering about over there, it’s weird

**Keith Kogane (7:38a):** …second opening

**Lance McClain (7:38a):** wat

**Keith Kogane (7:38a):** uh, this song is the second opening

**Keith Kogane (7:38a):** of the anime

**Keith Kogane (7:39a):** yeah

**Katie Holt (7:39a):** :)))

**Lance McClain (7:39a):** yeah ok, that’s nice. and this song would be great to workout to

**Lance McClain (7:40a):** but that doesn’t change the fact that it is ass-o’clock in the morning _and i am delicate, pidge_

**Katie Holt (7:40a):** You ain’t lyin’ lol

**Lance McClain (7:40a):** excuse me for liking to ease into my mornings

**Hunk Garrett (7:42a):** ease away [**https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1S0a43uzoM**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1S0a43uzoM)

**Lance McClain (7:43a):** bless you, hunk

**Katie Holt (7:43a):** good vibes, a+

 

* * *

 

**From:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:00AM

**To:** Team <voltron@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Refrigerator Clean Out

 

 

 

Good morning, Paladins!

 

Gentle reminder that our cleaning service will be emptying all refrigerators this weekend. Anything left in them at the end of the day will be thrown out, so please remember to take any items you wish to keep!

 

Have a good one,

Shay

**_“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop_ **

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:03AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

Wait, what?

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:04AM

**To:** Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

This happens every month, and dude, she is _not_ playin around. You got any shit in there that you don’t want thrown away, you better take it home with you

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:05AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re:Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

They threw out my coffee creamer once. BRAND NEW, NEVER OPENED. 

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:06AM

**To:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:Re:Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

Guys, it’s not Shay’s fault the cleaning people have no common sense

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:06AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>,Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re:Re:Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

Yeah, well why my Cholula gotta suffer, RIDDLE ME THAT, ROMEO

 

* * *

 

**From:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Date:** Friday, June 23, 2017 at 8:07AM

**To:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re: Re:Re:Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Hunk, Lance, Katie, Keith_ **

**Hunk Garrett (10:16a):** Guys. Guys, _I just saw Slav_

**Lance McClain (10:16a):** OMG

**Katie Holt (10:17a):** good ol’ Slav

**Keith Kogane (10:19a):** Who’s Slav?

**Katie Holt (10:20a):** omg, have you seriously never heard of Slav? Shiro can’t stand him lmao

**Keith Kogane (10:20a):** …no?

**Hunk Garrett (10:21a):** Slav is a freelancer. He’s super weird, and something about him just always rubs Shiro the wrong way

**Lance McClain (10:21a):** i’ve never seen shiro lose his shit like he does with slav. it’s epic lol

**Katie Holt (10:22a):** anyway, no one really knows what department slav works for, and he pops up around the office sporadically? a lot of people at Voltron have never even seen him, which always makes me wonder if our group of friends is having some sort of hive mind dream or something

**Katie Holt (10:23a):** but I digress

**Keith Kogane (10:23a):** so 

**Keith Kogane (10:23a):** what you’re saying is that Slav is a cryptid

**Katie Holt (10:23a):** cryptid, huh

**Lance McClain (10:24a):** o no

**Lance McClain (10:24a):** keith, why. why did you get her started

**Lance McClain (10:25a):**

****

**Katie Holt (10:25a):** So, how do you feel about cryptids, Keith?

**Keith Kogane (10:26a):** Well, I can’t really say because I’ve only heard about a few? And haven’t done enough research. I tend to focus on more concrete things

**Lance McClain (10:26a):** oh, thank god

**Katie Holt (10:26a):** like?

**Keith Kogane (10:27a):** Like how we’re under constant surveillance by the government, and how it’s always lying to us

**Lance McClain (10:27a):**

**Katie Holt (10:28a):** fair

**Hunk Garrett (10:28a):** dude if they’re watching, you should really watch what you say in your work emails lol

**Keith Kogane (10:28a):** Hunk, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t even matter

**Keith Kogane (10:29a):** The government helps itself to your emails, texts, and phone calls. Via cell towers, toll roads, and surveillance cameras (on street corners, at atms, etc.), it knows where you are at all times. It watches you through your webcam and listens through the microphone, even on your work computer

**Keith Kogane (10:30a):** it knows what you buy, and where, online or otherwise. and because tech companies like google track the websites you’re visiting and online purchases, in order to get a well-rounded picture of you, the government also has access to this

**Keith Kogane (10:30a):** It knows the who what where when and why of you, and has since you were born

**Lance McClain (10:31a):** _coño_

**Hunk Garrett (10:31a):** I

**Hunk Garrett (10:31a):**

**Keith Kogane (10:32a):** and it does it all while force-feeding us lies like AIDS not being created to control black and gay populations, and the moon landing being real, and what’s really in Area 51

**Lance McClain (10:32a):** jesus

**Keith Kogane (10:32a):** You know, I don’t think it’s Jesus, but I wouldn’t put it past them

**Katie Holt (10:33a):** now _all of that_ is interesting, and I’d love to hear more about it later

**Katie Holt (10:33a):** you’re alright, Keith. You should come camping with me sometime

**Lance McClain (10:33a):** no. nope. i can’t sit idly by. nopeeeee

**Lance McClain (10:34a):** don’t listen to her, keith!! the last time i went with her, she and her brother dragged me around looking for _bigfoot_

**Katie Holt (10:34a):** _a_ bigfoot, Lance. There’s more than one sasquach 

**Keith Kogane (10:34a):** and they live around here?

**Katie Holt (10:36a):**

**Katie Holt (10:36a):** here’s a sightings chart, with the darkest areas having more reported sightings

**Katie Holt (10:36a):** they seem to like forests? and mountains

**Lance McClain (10:37a):** and Texas, for some reason

**Hunk Garrett (10:37a):** it’s the BBQ

**Lance McClain (10:37a):** i mean, fair

**Katie Holt (10:38a):** anyway, my brother said he had a friend who saw one a couple hours from here, so we went to check it out

**Katie Holt (10:38a):** Lance spent most of the trip running and screaming and crossing himself

**Lance McClain (10:39a):** because yOU DIDN’T TELL ME the forest was HAUNTED, PIDGE

**Katie Holt (10:39a):** so what you’re saying is

**Katie Holt (10:39a):** Bigfoot isn’t real, but ghosts are

**Lance McClain (10:40a):** listen, just because you can’t convince me of bigfoot, doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to believe in other things. ghosts and demons are real, ok

**Keith Kogane (10:40a):** and how do you feel about aliens

**Lance McClain (10:41a):** i feel like it would be completely self-centered and ignorant to assume that in the vast, endlessness of space, we’re the only living beings

**Lance McClain (10:41a):** that out of the probably gazillions of planets that exist, earth is the only one with the right conditions to support life, and to have some of that life evolve into sentient beings 

**Hunk Garrett (10:42a):** Wow, buddy. When you put it like that, it’s hard to disagree

**Lance McClain (10:42a):** I’m just saying, if there’s nothing else out there, then we all need to play the lottery, because we’re clearly smashing some hella odds

**Lance McClain (10:43a):** aww, keith!!

**Lance McClain (10:43a):** keith’s smiling at me, everybody ;)

**Lance McClain (10:43a):** wait, don’t stop i’ll be good

**Keith Kogane (10:43a):** shut up

**Keith Kogane (10:44a):** …that was just the smartest thing you’ve said all day, is all

**Lance McClain (10:44a):** excuse u

**Katie Holt (10:44a):** Surprising, right? Lance is actually really smart and thoughtful. He just chooses to act like a dumbass

**Lance McClain (10:44a):** excuse u 2

**Lance McClain (10:44a):** y’all got some nerve when you’re running around trying to catch el chupacabra

**Hunk Garrett (10:45a):** and sewer alligators

**Lance McClain (10:45a):** buddy, as someone from florida, gonna have to say: may not be a myth

**Lance McClain (10:46a):** the number of _wild fucking animals_ we have running around because people stupidly think they’d be fun to have as pets smh

**Lance McClain (10:46a):** i honestly wouldn’t even be surprised to find a gator chillin in the cereal aisle at publix

**Keith Kogane (10:47a):** well as someone from Texas, chupacabras are real, and i’ve seen one

**Hunk Garrett (10:47a):** You’re from Texas, Keith?

**Keith Kogane (10:47a):** originally, yeah

**Katie Holt (10:48a):**

**Lance McClain (10:48a):**

**Keith Kogane (10:48a):** Yeah, trust me, I know

**Keith Kogane (10:49a):** Try growing up there Korean and gay

**Katie Holt (10:49a):** yikes. i’m sorry, man

**Keith Kogane (10:49a):** Builds character or something

**Keith Kogane (10:50a):** anyway, i was driving home one night, waiting for the red light to turn green, and I casually looked over and saw this _thing_ attached to somebody’s cow

**Hunk Garrett (10:51a):** Are you sure it wasn’t one of those vampire bat things? Or, like, a Republican?

**Katie Holt (10:51a):** lmaoooo

**Keith Kogane (10:51a):** I know what I saw

**Katie Holt (10:52a):** ok, you and I need to hang out immediately, because I need to know more about this chupacabra situation, as well as our supreme big brother overlords

**Keith Kogane (10:52a):** …yeah. I’d like that. 

**Katie Holt (10:53a):** Also, I know a dude who knows a dude who _knew_ a dude that saw Mothman once

**Keith Kogane (10:53a):** wait, Mothman? _seriously?_

**Katie Holt (10:53a):** I will tell you over pizza. I GOT RECEIPTS

 

**_Hangout: Keith, Lance, Hunk, Katie_ **

**Keith Kogane (1:35p):** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGsViMHs47g>

**Hunk Garrett (1:43p):** My man was just minding his own business, trying to buy some cheez-its

**Katie Holt (1:47p):** this is what happens when you live in a police state, Hunk. Won’t even let you buy your favorite cheezy snack in peace

 

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_pidgeotto_ **

**pidgeotto:** Hey, Lance. You okay?

**lanceinyopants:** Yeah

**hunkymonkey:** You sure, buddy? I haven’t heard from you all day

**pidgeotto:** Yeah, you’ve kinda been ghosting us since that cryptid convo

**lanceinyopants:** I just had work to do, okay?

**pidgeotto:** Lance. You didn’t even comment on the cat video I sent via Instagram. You always comment and I KNOW you saw it

**pidgeotto:** Instagram tells all

**hunkymonkey:** You know you can always talk to us if you need to

**lanceinyopants:** I just

**lanceinyopants:** Did you guys know Keith was gay

**pidgeotto:** Before today? Why would I???

**lanceinyopants:** You knew he was Korean!!

**pidgeotto:** Yeah, because I, like most people, pick up on context clues lol

**hunkymonkey:** What’s the matter?

**lanceinyopants:** It’s just…okay, so I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have a little crush on Keith

**pidgeotto:** *gasp* well, I’ll be damned LMAO

**pidgeotto:** Okay, continue

**lanceinyopants:** Well, it never really ends well when I like a guy, you know? So I haven’t been taking the whole thing very seriously because why would he ever be interested in me? Chicks no doubt throw themselves at him

**pidgeotto:** Are you saying that now you’re scared because you’ve realized you have a chance?

**lanceinyopants:** He is so out of my league, lbrh

**lanceinyopants:** And we all know I’m a disaster

**hunkymonkey:** Okay, stop it. That’s just not true

**pidgeotto:** …Lance, it’s okay to like someone again 

**pidgeotto:** Just because you haven’t had the best luck with dating doesn’t mean you should stop putting yourself out there

**lanceinyopants:** I’ve just been treating the whole thing as a joke. And guess I like him more than I thought I did?? I’m gonna fuck it up UGH. And have to look him in the face everyday afterwards because he sits five feet away from me

**hunkymonkey:** You’re not gonna fuck it up. But do you know what MIGHT

**pidgeotto:** Being sent a link about alligators and Florida that is CLEARLY solely for you and your amusement, but going radio-silent?

**hunkymonkey:** Yeah, that should do it. 

**lanceinyopants:** OKAY, I GET IT. No need for sass smh

**hunkymonkey:** Don’t shoot yourself in the foot, dude 

**pidgeotto:** Just take it slow and see where it leads. It may go nowhere, but you won’t know until you try

**lanceinyopants:** Katie, how do you give such good dating advice when you don’t date, wtf

**pidgeotto:** What part of “I know everything” don’t you understand?

**lanceinyopants:** WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SASS

**hunkymonkey:** You know that’s her natural setting. She can’t help it, Lance

**pidgeotto:** :D

 

* * *

 

**From:** Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 7:26AM

**To:** Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>, Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>, Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Re: Re: Re: Re:Re:Re: Refrigerator Clean Out

 

FUCK I FORGOT

MY FUCKING GO-GURTS

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but *pokémon music plays* A WILD PLOT APPEARS. Or a hint of one, at least lol
> 
> THAT COFFEE CREAMER INCIDENT HAPPENED TO ME AND CAN YOU TELL I'M STILL PRESSED


	6. rover, the majestic beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I truly didn't intend to leave this fic for so long, but two things happened: my life literally fell apart, and in the midst of my life falling apart, I became an ARMY _completely_ by accident. So now I spend my days obsessing over KTH and this stupid, _stupid_ , hella talented band, with their beautiful voices and their amazing dance moves and their gorgeous faces. I've been marathoning over 4 years of content. It's been months, and I see no end in sight. Someone please HE L P mE
> 
> Anyway, this chapter has been half-written for the longest, and I finally sat down and finished it! (Isn't it funny how this fic started in the future, and now I've taken so long, it's now set in the past?? Wild)

 

* * *

 

**From:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 8:03AM

**To:** Team <voltron@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Lost Keys

 

Good morning, Paladins!

 

A set of keys was found in the parking lot this morning. If you believe you have misplaced yours, please contact me.

 

Have a good day,

Shay

**_“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop_ **

 

* * *

 

**_Hangout: Keith Kogane, Katie Holt_ **

**Keith Kogane (8:32a):** Um

**Keith Kogane (8:32a):** Hi

**Katie Holt (8:34a):** yo 

**Keith Kogane (8:34a):** Have you heard from Lance today? He hasn’t come in yet

**Katie Holt (8:34a):** Oh yeah

**Katie Holt (8:35a):** he’s sick, my dude. he’s been down all weekend

**Keith Kogane (8:35a):** Wow, is he okay?

**Katie Holt (8:35a):** pssht, he’s fine. He’s just super dramatic and turns into a giant baby when he’s sick

**Katie Holt (8:35a):** hard to believe, I know lol

**Keith Kogane (8:36a):** I never would have imagined

**Keith Kogane (8:38a):** It’s just super quiet without him here

**Katie Holt (8:39a):** I’m sure lmao

**Katie Holt (8:39a):** I’m gonna bring him some dinner after work, so I’ll be sure to let him know how relaxed and productive you are without him

**Keith Kogane (8:39a):** Please do

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 9:10AM

**To:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re:Lost Keys

 

Hi Shay,

 

Sorry for the delayed reply; I just got out of a meeting. I believe the keys you found may be mine—I can’t seem to find them!

 

Thanks,

Hunk

 

* * *

 

**From:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 9:13AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Lost Keys

 

Hello Hunk,

 

Oh no, that is too bad! These may very well be yours, then. Can you describe your lost keys?

 

All best,

Shay

**_“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop_ **

 

* * *

 

 **From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 9:15AM

**To:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re:Lost Keys

 

Hi Shay,

 

This is kind of embarrassing haha! Um, the keyring has a yellow lion on it, if that helps.

 

Thanks,

Hunk

 

* * *

 

**From:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 9:16AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Lost Keys

 

Hello Hunk,

 

Yes, I believe these are your keys! The keyring also has half of a heart charm that says “Be Bit” on it. Does that sound familiar?

 

All best,

Shay

**_“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop_ **

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 9:16AM

**To:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re:Re: Re: Re:Lost Keys

 

Haha, yes, those are definitely mine. Mind if I stop by to pick them up?

 

Thanks,

Hunk

 

* * *

 

**From:** Shay Balmera <shay.balmera@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 9:17AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lost Keys

 

Hello Hunk,

 

Of course! Please stop by at your earliest convenience.

 

All best,

Shay

**_“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop_ **

 

* * *

 

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_hunkymonkey_ **

**hunkymonkey:** Lance, I just had to explain our “Best Bitches” biffle keychains to Shay from HR

**hunkymonkey:** I hope you’re happy

**lanceinyopants:** Of course I’m happy. Everyone needs to know we’re best bitches

**lanceinyopants:** That’s why we got the Best Bitches Biffle Keychains, Hunk

**hunkymonkey:** I know

**lanceinyopants:** What, are you ashamed to be my best bitch??

**lanceinyopants:** D:

**hunkymonkey:** Of course not! It was just super awkward, because it was Shay from HR

**lanceinyopants:** Pidgeon, where do you think the emphasis is supposed to be in that sentence

**lanceinyopants:** Is the issue that he had to explain this to Shay *FROM HR*

**lanceinyopants:** Or that he had to explain to *SHAY* from HR

**pidgeotto:**

**hunkymonkey:** I don’t see you showing Keith YOUR Best Bitches Biffle Keychain

**lanceinyopants:** I think I showed Keith my Best Bitches Biffle Keychain within the first ten minutes of meeting him, tbh

**lanceinyopants:** How else would he know you’re my best bitch if I don’t show him the Best Bitches Biffle Keychain??

**pidgeotto:** If you assholes say Best Bitches Biffle Keychain one more time, I s2g

**lanceinyopants:** But it’s miiiiighty interesting that you’ve compared Shay to Keith, who I’ve already admitted has a booty that don’t quit

**pidgeotto:** He did say that, Hunk. I was there

**lanceinyopants:** Hmmm

**hunkymonkey:** Listen

**lanceinyopants** : HMMMMMMM

**hunkymonkey:** …She’s a nice girl, okay

**pidgeotto:** Go get ’em, tiger

**lanceinyopants:** :’)

 

* * *

 

**From:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garret@voltron.com>

**Date:** Monday, June 26, 2017 at 11:47AM

**To:** Keith Kogane <keith.kogane@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** Lunch?

 

You guys free for a bite?

 

* * *

 

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_pidgeotto_ **

**pidgeotto:** Lance, you’re going to be so mad lmaooo

**hunkymonkey:** Pidge, don’t say anything. That would just be cruel

**pidgeotto:** I know. But we have all taken an oath to keep each other updated on all the interesting things that happen around Voltron

**pidgeotto:** And this thing is prettttty interesting, soooo ;)

**lanceinyopants:** Okay, what, I’m listening I’m here!!! You have my attention!!!

**lanceinyopants:** I would usually love to hear all about the adventures of the creepy janitor, but I just postponed putting myself into a NyQuil coma, so this better be good

**hunkymonkey:** Whoa man, NyQuil comas are the best sleep I’ve ever had

**lanceinyopants:** Right??

**lanceinyopants:** So please don’t toy with me right now. I’m two seconds away from being gloriously knocked tf out by modern medicine

**pidgeotto:** Fair

**pidgeotto:** I’ll make it quick. Keith’s hair is in a ponytail today. Get some rest!

**lanceinyopants:** What

**lanceinyopants:** WAIT

**lanceinyopants:** IS THIS A JOKE

**pidgeotto:** Of course it’s not a joke. Bottom’s up. I’ll be over later to check on you

**lanceinyopants:** OH NO NO NO. YOU’VE GOTTA GIVE ME MORE THAN THAT!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

**lanceinyopants:** THE ONE DAY I’M NOT IN THE OFFICE

**hunkymonkey:** I told you telling him was a bad idea

**lanceinyopants:** um, excuse me??? DEETS??

**pidgeotto:** Nighty night! :)

**lanceinyopants:** KATELYN ANNE HOLT

**lanceinyopants:** DON”T YOU DARE LEAVE ME HANGING

**pidgeotto:** Ah, sorry, ponytail Keith is chatting me. g2g!

**lanceinyopants:** KATELYN ANNE

**pidgeotto:** :)

**lanceinyopants:** HUNK, HELP

**hunkymonkey:** Sorry buddy—you know how worked up you’ll get over this. I think it’s a good idea for you to get better first. I’ll be home soon  <3

**lanceinyopants:** HUNK

**hunkymonkey:** I’ll make you my famous honey lemon tea

**lanceinyopants:** HUNK, NOT YOU TOO

**hunkymonkey:** Goodnight, buddy

**lanceinyopants:** …

**lanceinyopants:** I hate both of you and I’m taking applications for new friends

**pidgeotto:** Be sure to give one to ponytail Keith

**lanceinyopants:** AL;SKDAJALS;DK

 

**_Hangout: Katie Holt, Keith Kogane_ **

**Katie Holt (2:59p):** Hey. I feel really bad asking, but would you mind doing me a favor?

**Keith Kogane (3:03p):** Yeah, sure. What’s up?

**Katie Holt (3:03p):** I completely forgot that I have to work late today, but I promised Lance I’d pick him up some Chinese food

**Katie Holt (3:03p):** Could you bring it to him?

**Keith Kogane (3:04p):** uh

**Keith Kogane (3:04p):** What about Hunk?

**Katie Holt (3:04p):** His sister’s on a business trip, so he has to drive across town to walk her dog

**Katie Holt (3:05p):** Poor Rover just can’t be cooped up that long

**Keith Kogane (3:06p):** Oh. Yeah, ok. That’s something that I. can do

**Keith Kogane (3:06p):** yeah

**Katie Holt (3:06p):** Awesome! I’ll send you his address

**Katie Holt (3:06p):** Thanks, Keith!!

**Keith Kogane (3:07p):** i can do that

**Keith Kogane (3:07p):** t

 

_ **Hangout: Katie Holt, Hunk Garrett** _

**Katie Holt (3:10p):** If Keith ever asks, you have a sister, and your sister has a dog named Rover

**Hunk Garrett (3:10p):** Oooh, what kind?

**Hunk Garrett (3:11p):** I’ve always wanted a Komondor because they look like giant, adorable mops

**Katie Holt (3:11p):** Knock yourself out, buddy

**Katie Holt (3:11p):** Also, after work, you gotta chill with me for a couple hours

**Hunk Garrett (3:11p):** What about Lance? 

**Katie Holt (3:12p):** I just sent Keith over to take care of him lololol

**Hunk Garrett (3:12p):** Katie!

**Katie Holt (3:12p):** LOLOLOL

**Hunk Garrett (3:14p):**

**Katie Holt (3:15p):** _fuck_ , that is a majestic beast

**Katie Holt (3:15p):** let’s get one for real

**Hunk Garrett (3:15p):** and keep it in my tiny apartment? How am I supposed to explain to Lance our new 130 pound doggie roommate?

**Katie Holt (3:16p):** Just remind him that the dog helped him tap that sweet, _sweet_ ponytail keith booty. He’ll get over it

**Hunk Garrett (3:16p):** true

**Katie Holt (3:16p):** Besides, Rover is clearly a national treasure

**Hunk Garrett (3:16p):** you right

 

_Text Message from_ **Keith**

**Keith (4:37pm):** I CAN’T DO THIS

**Shiro (4:38pm):** What, bring Lance Chinese food?

**Keith (4:38pm):** Is he an orange chicken or broccoli beef person?

**Shiro (4:39pm):** Keith, why don’t you just ask him

**Keith (4:40pm):** Too late, I bought both. I PANICKED, SHIRO

**Keith (4:40pm):** I’M IN FRONT OF HIS APARTMENT BUILDING WITH ENOUGH FOOD FOR FIVE PEOPLE

**Shiro (4:41pm):** It’s fine, Keith. Lance can eat enough for three. And options are always nice

**Keith (4:41pm):** Oh

**Keith (4:41pm):** Oh no

**Keith (4:42pm):** WHAT IF HE’S A VEGETARIAN? I have to go back

**Shiro (4:43pm):** He’s not. Go upstairs right. Now.

**Keith (4:44pm):** What if I just walked in front of a bus instead. The number 12 is on its way and it sounds like a peaceful way to go

**Shiro (4:44pm):** Get your ass up those stairs RIGHT NOW

 

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_pidgeotto_ **

**pidgeotto:** Hey Lance. I can’t make it after work today, but I sent Keith over with sustenance 

**lanceinyopants:** I’m sorry, I must be hallucinating

**lanceinyopants:** I thought you just said that ponytail Keith is on his way to my apartment

**pidgeotto:** I did. He is

**lanceinyopants:** Oh, ok

**lanceinyopants:** pIDGE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? 

**lanceinyopants:** PONYTAIL KEITH!!!! DRIVING HIS MOTO RCYCL E. TO MY. HOUSE???

**lanceinyopants:** PIDGE I AM DISGUSTING AND GERMY AND I HAVEN’T EXFOLIATED IN TWO DAYS

**pidgeotto:** Well, he’s on his way. Better get washin’, homie

**pidgeotto:** Also, i gave him your number

**lanceinyopants:** ALD;KSFSAFDLK/M

**pidgeotto:** You’re welcome

  

_Text Message from_ **Unknown**

**Unknown (4:55pm):** Uh, hi. This is Keith

**Unknown (4:55pm):** Keith, your coworker

**Unknown (4:56pm):** Pidge asked me to bring you some food because she couldn’t come, so I’m outside your apartment building

**Unknown (4:56pm):** Shit, I should have called, you’re probably asleep like a normal sick person

**Unknown (4:56pm):** Well, if by some miracle, you *are* awake, I’m outside with Chinese

**Unknown (4:57pm):** This is your coworker 

**Unknown (4:57pm):** Keith

 

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_lanceinyopants_ **

**lanceinyopants:**

[****](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2016-03/23/1/enhanced/webdr12/enhanced-25424-1458711808-7.png)

_Text Message from_ **Keith**

**Keith (6:10pm):** He is a “mix the broccoli beef and orange chicken together” person, and I am grossed out, but intrigued

**Shiro (6:12pm):** See! That wasn’t so bad!

**Keith (6:12pm):** Takashi, I was one eggroll away from projectile vomiting everywhere

**Shiro (6:13pm):** But did you die tho

  

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_lanceinyopants_ **

**lanceinyopants:** @ponytail keith 

 

**Group Chat: Garrison Trio**

_New message from_ **_pidgeotto_ **

**pidgeotto:** How’d it go, slugger?

**lanceinyopants:** I died a slow, slow death

**lanceinyopants:** You are speaking to me from beyond the grave, and I’m gonna haunt your ass

**pidgeotto:** Soooo…I’m assuming it went great

**lanceinyopants:** Well, yeah, but you must pay for your evil doing

**lanceinyopants:** You too, Hunk!! This is not best bitch behavior

**hunkymonkey:** It is when you very clearly needed wingmen to help you along :D

**hunkymonkey:** Also, I needed to walk Rover

**lanceinyopants:** ?

**hunkymonkey:**

**lanceinyopants:** Holy shit

**lanceinyopants:** What a beautiful creature

**pidgeotto:** Phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal

**lanceinyopants:** Anyway, I think one more day on drugs should do it. I’ll be in on Wed

**pidgeotto:** Sounds good. Get some rest! 

**hunkymonkey:** I’ll be right in with the honey lemon tea

**lanceinyopants:** <3

 

**_Hangout: Lance, Katie, Hunk, Keith_ **

**Lance McClain (8:11a):** so I deflowered Keith and he is now a believer

**Katie Holt (8:11a):** jeez, lance, tmi

**Lance McClain (8:12a):** omg

**Katie Holt (8:12a):** Is nothing sacred anymore?

**Hunk Garrett (8:12a):** you really need to watch what you put in company emails 

**Lance McClain (8:12a):** OMG

**Lance McClain (8:13a):** THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU DIDN’T LET ME FINISH

**Katie Holt (8:13a):**

**Lance McClain (8:14a):** WE WATCHED PROPERTY BROTHERS AND KEITH IS NO LONGER A DISAPPOINTMENT. _SINGAO_

**Katie Holt (8:14a):** oh, ok. Keith, I hope Lance was gentle

**Lance McClain (8:14a):** ooooHHH my gOD

**Lance McClain (8:15a):** KEITH, STOP LAUGHING AND TELL THEM

**Keith Kogane (8:15a):** He was

**Lance McClain (8:15a):** jjjjjjjfjffjf

**Katie Holt (8:16a):** LMAO

**Katie Holt (8:16a):** _lance.exe has stopped working_

**Keith Kogane (8:16a):** We also eased into House Hunters

**Hunk Garrett (8:16a):** oooh, was it regular or international

**Hunk Garrett (8:17a):** or the one with all the tiny houses

**Keith Kogane (8:17a)** : regular, I think?

**Keith Kogane (8:17a):** um, lance. are you okay?

**Lance McClain (8:18a):** super. never better. pay my profuse sweating no mind, carry on

**Keith Kogane (8:19a):** i would just like to point out that if you had just followed HR’s advice and washed your hands frequently, maybe you wouldn’t be feverish right now :/

**Lance McClain (8:19a):** um, excuse??? i’m not sick anymore. and i am a very clean person, keith!!

**Lance Mclain (8:20a):** I probably got sick in the first place because you breathed on me with your keith germs, or something

**Keith Kogane (8:20a)** : if you say so lol

**Keith Kogane (8:21a):** anyway, I was a little confused, because the lady on House Hunters didn’t like the paint color in one of the rooms of a house, and she literally chose a different house because of it

**Hunk Garrett (8:21a):** Omg, that is my biggest pet peeve about that show

**Katie Holt (8:22a):** right?? It’s like, a can of paint costs 20 bucks, Carol. calm your tits

**Hunk Garrett (8:22a):** you can get it at Home Depot. You know, the hardware store that sponsors this episode, that you are currently on, right now

**Katie Holt (8:23a):** dumbfucks. How are they qualified to be homeowners and I’m not

**Lance McClain (8:23a):** remember that time you left the bathtub running and flooded your bathroom and made it rain in the apartment below yours

**Katie Holt (8:24a):** ok, but carol doesn’t even know how to paint a wall, so

**Hunk Garrett (8:24a):** Back to the important question

**Hunk Garrett (8:24a):** Keith: Team Jonathan or Team Drew

**Keith Kogane (8:25a):** Jonathan, obviously

**Lance McClain (8:26a):**

**Lance McClain (8:26a):** #teamjonathan

**Keith Kogane (8:26a):** Drew is clearly the one you would take home to mom, and can make the best martini you’ve ever tasted in your entire life

**Keith Kogane (8:27a)** : but Jonathan likes to wear flannel and hit things, and those are two of my favorite pastimes 

**Katie Holt (8:27a):** You make a solid argument, and I respect it

**Lance McClain (8:28a):**  i would also like to point out that jonathan looks like he enjoys going to the farmer’s market and perusing the artisanal cheeses

**Lance McClain (8:28a):** and i fucking love cheese

**Katie Holt (8:28a):** u right, u right

**Hunk Garrett (8:29a):** can’t argue with that

**Keith Kogane (8:29a):** I can take it or leave it, to be honest

**Lance McClain (8:29a):** what the fuck

**Lance McClain (8:30a)** : get away from me, you heathen

**Keith Kogane (8:30a):** don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic

**Lance McClain (8:30a):** HEATHEN

**Lance McClain (8:31a):** everyone, keith’s canceled, effective immediately

**Keith Kogane (8:31a):** sigh

 

* * *

 

**From:** Lance McClain <leandro.alvarez@voltron.com>

**Date:** Wednesday, June 28, 2017 at 10:47AM

**To:** Hunk Garrett <hunk.garrett@voltron.com>, Katie Holt <katelyn.holt@voltron.com>

**Subject:** [no subject]

 

Keith just put his hair up again and it’s a++, so he’s uncanceled. k thx bye

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hance's [Best Bitches Biffle Keychains](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/31/a3/d8/31a3d88c7d5d125f867adf75f2898ae7--bff-tattoos-avy.jpg) for your reference :)
> 
> As always, come scream with me about Voltron [here](http://gdi-lance.tumblr.com/)!

**Author's Note:**

> Did Shiro really think he could come for Lance like that and Hunk/Pidge wouldn't say anything? The Garrison Trio has each other's backs, don't try them lol
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts on the madness~  
> Also, come say hi [here](http://makasouls.tumblr.com/), and scream with me about Voltron [here](http://gdi-lance.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
